Pamala Clift: Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2011 11:39 AM
Pamala Clift: Posted on Thursday, April 28, 2011 12:57 PM
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Pamala Clift- The Roadside Philsopher: Posted on Thursday, June 09, 2011 8:26 PM
Posted on Thursday, July 21, 2011 2:20 PM
Amazing what people attribute as being “Real” and what is not. Spent time and money to make my Business idea and name REAL. To do that you have to pay fees and fill out forms. All asking the same questions. Your name? What you want to call your business? How many employees? Where is it? What do you do? So you write this all down and pay fees.. and POOF!! Now your a real business. Of course you now have to fill out the same information for two or three other government entities, not to mention banks so you can write checks.
So banks give you a credit line, you get protection of limited liability, and you get double taxed.. charged fees.. but Hey? Your Official!!
My least favorite people in college were the marketing majors. They would so smoosh the professors into giving them good grades, trade favors, not study, but still manage to shine everywhere with their charisma. Did they DO anything? sigh.. However, somehow.. magic happens when you employ one.
Here I am the Roadside Philosopher so contemplating that maybe the Roadside would be more fun than marketing.. but it is a part of my life’s perception to understand what motivates people. After listening to marketing lectures I came up with their secret in a short little phrase. “If you can’t sell a solutions…. Sell a Dream!”
Well my dream is to have people THINK instead of being cookie cutter robots to marketing…… umm.. am I undermining my goal here?
I want education to WORK. I want businesses to spend some time orienting and transitioning employees into using technology so we stop having luddites fighting the wonders advancements can provide…. and I want to assist people in understanding how virtual relationships play out in real life.. the good & the bad and how to best balance.
So that is my Windmill! … and here is my steed… http://www.virtualhandhold.com as I take my shaky lance (Business license) and as a woman CEO go forward out into the abyss. Giggle what a picture… The Roadside Philosopher is now CEO of Virtual Handhold, LLC.
After lecturing around the grid for over the last year and having professors, grad students, business professionals all ask for a method to site this lecture.
The confusion over what is going on in virtual worlds has kept it down. The perception is that only the culturally stiffled will engage. But just like the Internet was in its inception, virtual worlds are a communication medium that will prove it’s worth.
BUT if the digital citizens can not describe it, talk about it, and figure out a proper frame of reference for introducing others.. it will indeed stay on the fringe.
Here is a shortened State of Being lecture that offers words to begin the process of understanding perceptions & differences. From here… we can soar!
Pamala Clift. The Roadside Philosopher’s State of Being Lecture
The ONLY thing that somehow seems to mean that our current education is of value is this concept of assessment. Assessment means that someone somewhere who thinks they know something has said what you are doing or what you have learned is correct. Ok lets examine that a bit.
Lets pick something simple… say baking a cake. You get a recipe and it has proved valid for this writer of the recipe. You write to the EXPERT who has made the cake before. The ONLY one that is valid for the complexities of that recipe.
You describe what variants you perceive from your location. You may not have that brand of chocolate so you substitute the kind that is in your store. The measuring method of the size of egg is not exactly the same.. their egg might be different size than the one used by the baker or brown freshly laid. The pan is the same size but has darkened with years of use. The oven fluctuates some & where you put the pan on the shelfs within the oven will have a bearing. Your elevation is 5000 feet above the elevation of the writer of the recipe.
The recipe writer suggests adding more flour for the elevation change, but figures the chocolate won’t make much difference and everything else should be ok. OK, now the recipe as been ASSESSED by the ONLY expert available. Now we know how to make that cake.. Yeah for us! We are now valid according to the expert.
Then we make the cake. It fails miserably! Why? Well because the person assessing the necessary changes was just guessing like the rest of us are in this world. He/she has never used our equipment, been at our elevation or any number of variables. The ONLY functional ASSESSMENT is doing it. The real variables of life are far more complex than the powers of observation are of any one person, a dozen people etc. If it works than that is the bottom line.
We could have spent a lot less time, money, & illusion if we just made the cake, self-assessed, modified & tried again. The illusion that we now know what to do because we wrote the EXPERT & are therefore MORE valid than before was just that, an illusion. That is what higher education is at the moment.. an illusion of validity.
So we call this valid education because we have thrown up a zillion layers of assessment that says it is valid. The teacher assesses the student by using tests that are created by others or by themselves. The tests may be good or they made have been created right after the teacher’s pet died.
The student might have learned the material or his dad just gave the college a contribution, is a prime member of the football team, flirts well with the instructor, or claims a disability or prejudice that prevents a direct correlation from being revealed.
The educational rating system is designed by the instructor so he can have the proper amount of A’s, B’s etc because if NOT.. then HE will be assessed as something invalid.. because somewhere someone said that…his particular class should have this breakdown.
The department head is assessed by the college chair; the college chair is assessed by the university, the university spends hundreds of thousands of dollars being assessed by an accreditation board created from members of this same system who have been assessed…all this time and effort spent to prove something that is not provable except by doing. The Cake will either work or will not work.
This assessment fixation or this large lower half of the iceberg of education is what is literally costing society, people, & businesses millions of unproductive dollars to receive this skewed perception of validity. Is there any wonder why other countries are starting to exceed our progress?
We need to get functional again.
Next Blog: What is today’s valid assessment?
I was literally told to come be on this show 2 MIN.. before it went on air. The internet does not let you get your thoughts together.. you have to run on the fly… http://blip.tv/file/4623640.
Click the link above to see the MetaVerse TV show Gridwrap with AgileBill Firehawk of AgileDimension LLC & Tessa of SpotON3D.
You know… knowing alot of people is both a good thing and a bad thing.
I was given two min notice to come and be filmed on this live tv show.
This is who I work with both Tessa & AgileBill with their companies making life in virtual worlds be productive and understandable.
It is about 58 min.. Good for you if you watch the whole thing.
Luddites Rule Higher Ed
I continue to see the educational fiasco sharpen toward absurdity. You would think that in any regular business if there has to be cut backs for economic reasons the business would eliminate the wastes and get down to the core values.. but NOT EDUCATION. .Oh No! That works in total reverse.
Education does NOT look at the target market (the students). They are there to be incestuous valuators of each other in their own closed non-realistic world of academia. And, for Pete sakes, WE are ALLOWING it.
People coming out of universities are not better people worth more money than people that are autodidactic in there experiential learning. We have allowed them to make us believe that is true. HR departments use that to streamline their application pools.
So now comes budget cuts.. the tenured professors, the administrators, the luddites that want things to stay the way they have always been and are in the positions of power because of their longevity.. circle the wagons. They need to save their jobs. So even if they haven’t done much before let’s pretend to take the tasks from those that HAVE been doing the work. Of course, they don’t know how to do it half as well as the ones that have been doing things.
Let’s cut all the innovative programs that actually have potential & keep just the tried and true ones that use to work 10-20 years ago. They have passed an assessment. OOOH Assessment.. that is a nasty word and a topic I will handle in my next posting.
The ones that get cut are the ones that have actual interface with student learning. The clinical professors that teach the bulk of the classes and staff that use to assist the professors that didn’t really want to do the work or actually handled the day to day necessities of material existence.
It reminds me of that old joke about typical government absurdities.
There once was a storage area in the middle of the desert that was fenced but was felt it was not secure enough at night. So money was allocated for a night watchman. He worked for several months and then it was determined that he needed to be supervised to make sure he was doing his work.. otherwise how would anyone know? (assessed..hehe) So they allocated MORE money for a supervisor that earned more wages so he could make sure the night watchman was doing his job.
Then, of course, there needs to be someone to do payroll and someone to type the letters reporting back to the powers that be that the place was secure.. so more staff was hired, which now required a building to be built on the land so that there would be places to house the staff. After a few months it was determined that money was tight & they needed to cut back.
The solution: Fire the night watchman!
This is what is happening to education now. All the regulations that make things fair have killed the function.
Thousands of dollars are spent to do a search for a position because untold amount of rules need to be followed. Ads in the proper magazines have to be spent, even though there is an acceptable candidate within reach. Months of time, effort & dollars are wasted in searches for people to fill positions that could have been filled in a week if they didn’t have to go thru the paperwork worried about some assessment somewhere. Totally non-functional, not cost effective and would never fly in the real world. Who is assessing THAT?
So what has budget cuts done to assist education.. well .. smile.. it has isolated the luddites and flagged their uselessness. I think the legislature now knows what is invalid… oh wait.. probably not, it is after all government. He he
PS.. This is NOT saying there are not sincere wonderful professors out there that are great educators. It is saying that the system that they work for does not value their expertise & the regulations & expectations of them is not focused on the target market of the students, but more on the validation of the system.
We are creating a Real Life Cartoon Sitcom Pilot using the characters from within Second life
Through out all of space time... universes have spun into existence...and popped out. With the creation of the internet, the beginnings of a new universe has become observable. http://www.theflushportal.com/index.html
I didn’t get to go to SLCC this year in Boston, but still got to present via Machinima with Devon & Jenette presenting. We created my contribution with the following dialog.. of course the text alone does not do my voice over justice but hey.. it is here for you to review what was said for my part of the presentation entitled: Doing Business in Virtual Worlds: Virtual Relationships, Boundaries.
Dialog for the Elephant:
Thanks Devon, you’ve shared some depth and perspective to this difficulty we have as business and education consultants.
ah… wait a sec.. I cant see you?
*jumps out of her chair*…
What the heck is this.. *Sheesh* it always seems when I am trying to talk business this … this ..thing fills my office?
It is large,
Seems immovable..*pushes and grunts*
NO one is going to listen to me with this blocking the conversation…
*turns to the camera with the back of the elephant behind her*
*camera zooms out*..
Yeah, Yeah I know.. you guys think I have an elephant in my office..
But this is in every office as you try to talk business in Virtual Worlds..
*Starts drawing on the elephant*
It stands there as we try to pretend it doesnt exist, but in the back of the minds of all clients their excuse ready: “I don’t think this will be good for us because of the um , issues, um … S….E….X that is here. It will be too distracting ”
Ta Da… so here is our problem.
*picture of me pointing to the elephant*
Do we cover it with a blanket an hope they wont notice?
*standing on top of the elephant*
Do we brush over it lightly pretending that it is only a fringe concern?
* upside down looking from under the elephant*
If we don’t do this right we will find that it will carry our dead bodies and efforts away to the pixelated burial grounds.
*me being carried over the tusks*
So lets call it straight, the elephant is in the room, so lets offer it peanuts and use it as transportation?
*riding the elephant*
Sex is in the real world, it is pervasive but often used in a subtle way. Companies use it all the time, in ads for sales and for conventions.
“Lets have our convention in Vegas” Oh really and you want to go to Vegas cause it has a good library do you? *giggle*
The company chooses Vegas because of its entertainment in an number of NOT business-like venues.. So how would they handle such a convention? How are boundaries established and maintained?
They would establish guidelines. You go to the convention and you will attend at least 5 of the 20 sessions offered. You will not be intoxicated while attending. You will not wear the company’s logo anywhere you don’t plan on selling the product.
You would give them warnings about what is currently going on in the city..
News Flash: “2nd south has been hit by a rash of muggings this last week so avoid that area.”
More News: “Reports of local STD cases are up by 80%. Reporting is complicated by the large number of visitors who may be asymptomatic until returning home.”
In other words: Be a good representative of the company. Keep your head clear while conducting business for us.
What you do not tell them is how to conduct their personal life. You do not tell them: “Don’t date strippers.. do not drink, do not make a scene.
You are not in charge of their personal life.
Companies cannot hold them responsible for activities outside of company time and designated areas. but they can make guidelines and expectations of their employees.
Just as in Real Life, behavior for a Virtual professional avatar needs to be just that, professional.
Exploration of this exciting new medium may be better handled with a personal avatar, lest misconduct reflect badly on the company.
Zindra, segregated by Linden Labs is devoted strictly to adult content, no company avatars should ever be found there. However there are still regions in the regular areas with adult topics and content. Care must be taken.
And yes, there have been instances of people allowing virtual relationships to impact their real life.
Knowledge is power. If work moves in-world, you need to offer both guidelines and information about how a connection made in this environment can be remarkably powerful. As Devon illustrated, preparation is required in order for those guidelines to be followed.
Help is available for employers if they wish to go further into the psychology of the experience and structure assistance employees that will have more than transcient contact in world.
There are multiple psychological perspectives a person can have in a virtual enviroment, all valid but they can be potentially disruptive. They should be made aware of disassociative, immersive and augmentative states and their triggers.
We have been in-world for awhile, if we are here at this convention.. I doubt there is anyone here that has not felt themselves drawn into a relationship that has been edifying and upon occasion become unexpectedly damaging. We need to assist others that this is not an unconventional occurance but it is one that if warned about can be dealt with.
Thanks for coming to my office and letting me have a bit of input here at the convention. But for now.. I have this nice elephant that is going to take me on a ride.. *hehe*.. talk to you all later..
Rides the elephant for a sec.. out of the shot.
What is believed by outsiders to be a little cartoon world is obviously MORE for those who have experienced it.. and it is not the idiots who fall into immersion. Very intelligent people are capable of projecting themselves into this environment.. I have met many executives and brillant academics
This can be a powerful realization to someone who has felt a hollowness in real.. to be offered refreshing water to a thirsty person. However, we only have a virtual environment to run that desire against, limited bandwidtht that does not contain all the components that REAL would incorporate.
It can be very disruptive… That does not mean this enviroment is not valuable for relationships and understanding.
I have not added a new post in quite some time, but the added time I have gotten since my work decided that I am too outlandish to work there full time has given me time to focus on my passion.
So within Second Life I work to help people think. A little broad I know, but we seem to be lacking in that, as of late. Too many people are stuck in “Well that is how it has always been done. -You can’t change the system.- What you value isn’t assessible.” motif. So I try all available networks to see what I can do to stimulate independant thinking.
Not; this is what you are SUPPOSE to do, but why are you doing it?
Does it work for you?
If it doesn’t, why do it? Who does it help to perpetrate a model that has no real validity?
This type of talk is what gets me in trouble. That means those who have been successful in the game of education have NO motivation to change..only the consumers can validate a new direction. The current model is not working. Our current education is a farce.
We now live in a world that is moving SOOoooo fast that by the time you have learned something well enough to teach it.. It is out of date. The current model of multiple choice testing of questions created in an enviroment back in 1985 really has very little use RIGHT NOW.
Right now we need to know what to do. How do we assimulate the tools available and maximize our ability to filter and use that information.
Gone is the authoritarian classroom that says, “I am the teacher and you will ONLY gain this information if you sit and listen to me.” Do we really need to know it if it is Googlable?
We do need to know “how to use it.”, “How to filter it”, “Why it is of value”. We need to be able to think, to discern, to put puzzle pieces together and to share our findings with the global community.
My proposal, as caustic as it will be taken- is: Get rid of our current system. Take all the money that is thrown down the toilet maintaining the status quo and the many buildings, tenured professors and resources and redirect it. Make it paramount that the infrastructure is devoted to developing bandwidth to every home with a computer that can support the many new tools. And I do mean many tools so they are available to all. Education for all will be these items… Not buses to a classroom but a virtual classroom. Use webcams, virtual worlds, blogs, games, websites, search engines and make each person share with the world knowledge base.
Any time logged on in any engaged field could be noted. Let them choose where they wish to be engaged. Maximize the geniuses in say.. astronomy, those who like word puzzles, art, creative writing, race cars. Why force someone who can construct a pyramid in their thoughts to hear the history of British authors?
A person so logged into this type of a system as they mature will allow us to see their areas of curiosity their skills and where they might possibly find the greatest satisfaction. We have a world with so much information that no one can say they are all knowledgable, so to get any expertise early focus of those with that propensity needs to devote their focus.
So the problem then becomes, “Well how will we know who is an authority?” Get rid of degrees. They don’t work. I have worked with PhDs. I have worked with the PhD students. They are free labor and an internal validational community that allows professors to force feed their perceptions on their students or you-don’t-get-your-degree workhouses. They are not inspirational locations for thought. What they produce? Well… “gulp” .. what I can say without resorting to obsenities is they are NOT producing what was orginally intended.
Replace degrees with “Propensity to Learn Rating” How fast can you learn? What is your ability to take information and make them into a usable workable idea? To network and gather a team to support it? Yes, you would need some basic courses to force feed some technology, mathematics and basic terminology, but what we need are couses that teach HOW TO LEARN. Then give a rating of areas of emphasis that shows how many hours you have engaged in the speciality.
I have become a great fan of TED talks. And I am going to end this with a link to this one as something thought provoking. Charles Leadbeater has done the research and has come out to wave the flag for reform as have many others. We can only pick up speed if we can unify and over throw the tyrants we have given our life and our childrens life over to… I call for revolutionary reform!
We have a target market of children who wish to learn and are computer literate and virtually more savy than their parents or instructors and with short attention spans. We want to maximize the use of our resources. We no longer need cookie-cutters of ourselves. Lets provide them with a means to answer their curiosity and give them their launching platform to soar.
Your humble Roadside Philosopher
Here is my power point presentation on the Realities of Virtual Relationships
Here is the opening video that runs at the beginning of my SLCC convention presentation entitled:
“Shhh, The Realities of Virtual Relationships”
The next meeting is 8am at Pamalot for the Roadside Philosophers
The subject that is up for discussion is Immersion or Augmentation.
Do we play as if we WERE our avatar and treat others as if that is so.. or do we look at it as another avenue to explore and try out new things?
I think we need a scale that tells at what level a person is playing in the game… From I think of my avatar as Mario Brothers 1.. to 10 If you do it to me in here you are doing it to me in real!
The YouTube video of the exerpts of the meeting…adjust volume for different speakers…sorry
The July 25th Meeting on Society in the Bedroom
The Conflicts of SL & RL
SL Relationships the True & the False
by Pamala Clift
It has been almost two months since this topic has been brought up to the Roadside Philosophers. Many of you have been hesitant to bring up personal experiences in a large group, so I have met individually to discuss the great feelings that get wrapped up in SL relationships. This is a topic both avoided and desired making for a large range of emotional volatility.
I have also taken on, against my original better judgment, my own love and SL relationship which has been more than a little enlightening…and as of this writing….still a mind boggling wonderful experience that I truly cherish and would have never guessed could be so fulfilling.
I would like to thank the dozen or so individuals that have discussed with me at length about their thoughts and shared their experiences.. I have been privileged to hear the joy and the pain at very real levels and I am humbled that you have shared those precious thoughts. Thank you ever so much!!
Now here are my conclusions from these discussions for what they are worth. By all means not the last word on the matter just the finishing thoughts of an extensive search for unbiased understanding put forth as directly as I am capable of at the moment.
Without a doubt feelings are very real in SL!! Time and real life take a back seat to the all encompassing feelings that can consume a person when a remarkable click has taken place and two souls have been brought together. This can be as bf or gf, gf & gf, bf & bf, slave & master, husband & wife… or just very good friends, any sincere wonderful connection normally labeled as a love.
While in love, you find yourself reading and rereading their words hungry for any new thought or hint at any additional way you might please them. Carrying with you the wonders of those precious moments you share into your real life. Smiling when you have no real reason to smile in real, so totally encompassed and consumed by the joys of being in love. It’s an uplifting treasure to have found a common soul that understands your mind and rejoices in the same things that bring gladness into your life… or who offers you such unbelievable insights and honesty that you would fall at their knees to assist them in their endeavors. Such total feelings of giving and selflessness can not be discounted as anything but wonderful. Losing yourself into trying to make someone else happy has got to be the epitome of life.
Hours and hours can be spent and stolen from real life to touch that precious soul through SL contact, to dance, dream, share thoughts, sex anything that will bring about a closer feeling of intimacy… to merge as much as possible with your counter part.
I have heard a range of stories of SL relationships some lasting years to one night stands that have taken on an epiphany in the mind of the one sharing.. almost a holy shrine in their thoughts…kept special and secret and honored.
Everyone deals differently with their emotions and we all respond differently to being so touched and having that magic wash over us. It is NOT to be discounted lightly.
Where and when does the attraction hit? What is it that attracts two avatars? I have watched as initial attractions have taken place and the wild excitement that seems to happen as a simple dance brings hope of commonality. How can one feel an attraction to a cartoon after only ten words have been typed?
The initial thought would be the appearance of the avatar. The avatar represents the person behind the keyboard in at least some aspect. If they have been in game long they have made some choices in their appearance. You may notice the character wears blue clothing, is tall, and has long blond hair with such a cute AO.
He/She then conveys information by the timing of responses. Does he start typing quickly every time you talk or does he wait and give a contemplate reply? Are the words the same words you would have chosen? (polite, crass, well phrased, impulsive, passionate, humorous) I met one guy in a crowd and was attracted to his phrasing and never saw him till way down the line of the conversation. Sometimes silence and patience conveys a world of information about the maturity level of the person behind the character. How does he/she handle lag? Is there humor in the comments?
My own SL husband proposed on our first meeting as I was selling him on the possibilities of a tower as a place of residence? And this brings up another behind-the-scenes contributing factor to attraction! Your own past experiences plays a great part into the attraction. My RL husband proposed on our first date…so all the feelings of shock and flattering unbelief again entered my heart. I started to experience the same dizziness, and the same elation. What did I know about this person…at the time… I knew his favorite color was the same as mine.. and that was it?
There is something else that attracts and draws certain people together? I have not been able to call it a conventional name. It is something that I am sure is present in RL but is far more hidden, than in SL. I heard some call it the flow of water, where each finds the flow of likes at their own level. Some have called it the power of the universe. For this paper I am going to be so bold as to try to give this unknown factor a name, I am going to call it “The Silent Tug”. It is the Silent Tug that anchors the eye on one particular avatar in the crowd and pulls at us to check out the profile of that individual. The Silent Tug brings us toward a boldness that we don’t often show in real life but in SL we start a conversation. The Silent Tug fills in missing information that we desire to hear and conclusions that we make about the person on the other end of the line. We have power to silence the Silent Tug but the promise of a fabulous connection screams to our soul and most often we are powerless to change the path that has been thrown in front of us….smile.. Why would we want to?
Obviously there are conflicts when trying to merge your RL and SL feelings. In real life one or both may be married, age differences, time zones and distance prevents fulfillment of desire. No matter how the desire holds captive our soul there are RL things that hold a trump card and can totally block it. Deep pain can occur as you come to believe that only you can fill the needs of your love one. It is painful to be held at a distance not able to make the real world right for your beloved.
SL can go down, lighting cut the power, health issues of either party, computer problems, RL relationships & demands all play a part in disallowing further or disjointed communication with your soul mate. These conflicts have to be realized as a part of the interaction…they may terminate totally your relationship. Have both parties discussed these eventualities and how they would deal with such a termination?
Do you know the frame of reference that the person on the other end is coming from or what they are doing at the time. Had one friend ask a slave that he was ravishing what she was doing in RL at that moment. The answer was “I am feeding the baby and watching TV”. Hmmm that could account for those thoughtful pauses mistaken for passion building.
Recreating life’s familiarities in SL even if disliked in real..seems to be a common theme. If a person has a tormented love life in real and can’t make things stick, somehow they find the same thing in SL. This is a fascinating phenomenon. Where a person behind the keyboard can say that all my troubles are due to this person or this incident in real, once an avatar sets foot newly in SL, a brand new world, all of that should not play a part…..but it does. Those happy in RL seem happy in SL, those sad in RL are just as sad in here. Those who find that they came into SL as a distraction and get pulled into working or business getting themselves again over their heads in responsibilities all over again…can’t understand why those around them don’t take things more seriously are all bringing and recreating for themselves their same problems. SL should not be looked at as a solution to RL problems but as a wonderful micro view point into self.
What is Real?
First off lets say everyone IS being honest and the guy you love is not a girl or vice versa, because no relationship can ever be counted as Real based on false information. So first and foremost that has to be solidified… honesty has got to be there for ANY sort of Real relationship to exist.
However this is not always the case in SL. I have heard long term relationships where one of the partners confesses to me that they have told their significant other that they were single, but were not…or they were younger than they were. In Reality this would be obvious and a horrible lie… but in SL does it matter? Their are many relationships that are a fictional role playing encounters. Then the story line is the attraction not necessarily the avatar playing opposite you. If you are in a role playing sim both parties should understand this, however, if you are not and the other person is playing and you are unaware…well? They may view it as a simply playing a role, like a dwarf or a magic user. How does one ascertain this? Well most problems are solved with direct communication. If your not asking…
Thirdly, outside-ethics-brought-in-game play a part. (Mostly prevalent with newbies) The person in RL brings in with him/her a feeling and belief that a kiss is important and significant and when that tender time comes on a Bits & Bobs animation ball that brings two avatars cleverly together the importance of a kiss is brought in from RL and is implanted on the SL kiss. But that may only be the case for one of the beings behind the avatars. The other one might be thinking; “Hmm, I need to raise the position of the balls so that the characters meet better.” Totally oblivious to the fact that the other AV is having a moment. The range of perceptions here are drastic. One person might feel that a kiss is the beginning of a true love and the other attribute nothing to a whole orgy of encounters and think it is all just a nice visual stimulation easily discarded.
Finally Spin.. when u talk to your love one and they tell u about their ups and downs in their life they are only telling u the things through their eyes and will most likely tell u in a way that puts them as the good guy and the opposing party as the bad guy. It is human nature not to blatantly come out and state your faults..especially if unrecognized by the self.
I came into game thinking it was just that..a game. How fun to play a muse, a mermaid, a sister or a love interest. Teasing and being teased never ever thinking there could possibly be any value in exclusivity. How does one own a cartoon character? The only thing of value is time you spend with a person, the conversations and the thoughts shared, you could only have good friends….for four months that was my absolute total undeniable truth.
Well then as things go in SL..life changed.
One of the things I hate with bad fiction movies is that they set rules of the fantasy at the beginning, then break their own rules. I can suspend reality in my mind for the length of the movie if they stay within the rules that are proposed, but when they break those rules I no longer enjoy the movie. I had set a rule for my muse character and my future Sl husband worked that rule against me. I now had to follow the game to it’s conclusion which was to marry him. This turned out to be a far more awakening experience for me than him. I did find value in having my love there, and in exploring animations I had considered off limits to my RL mind. I also fell in with a new social group of couples and looked forward to expanded family groups. The dynamics of the game shifted sharply.
Things Missing in SL perceptions
The scientists say that 90% of communication that takes place in RL is truly non-verbal. All creatures in RW communicate mostly by non-verbal communication. It is a very powerful and truthful form. It is very hard to shake your head NO and say Yes. Like wise with training one can observe the truthfulness of a story by observing whether the teller’s eyes are moving up to the left for Recall or up to the right for Creating. This is all missing in SL.
In Scientific American Mind (June-July 2007) an article called “Betting on Consciousness” (by Christof Koch & Kerstin Preuschoff) is talking about our RL mind and says: “Much of what we do goes on out side the pale of consciousness: whether we adjust our body posture or decide to marry someone, we often have no idea why or how we do the things we do.” How much more applicable is that in SL?
I tried to list things that we are missing from our perceptions in SL that would greatly influence our attraction to the other party… Here is a partial list of items that would be labeled as turn-offs if observed in real life and would be potential for conflict.
body hygiene, appearance, nervous twitches, intensity levels, money habits, politics, religion, driving style, their height, choices of life style, habits and their intensity…(smoking, drinking, drugs, — How many times do you have to scream.. Put the toilet seat down!)
There are No real challenges to face together. Here in SL we don’t have to mow the lawn or figure out what is for dinner, or exercise to keep fit or worry about getting old and all the biological deterioration that accompanies that. We come in game when we are feeling like getting away from real.. or investigating new thoughts or personalities…not normally to pay bills or do the laundry. Hopefully we should be showing our best side in here. That however does not always make for a building of a relationship. A couple grows together usually in the proportion with the forces pushed against it. The common goals in here would be maybe paying tier or designing or decorating a house. How can things stay fresh when you are using the same animation balls and doing the same thing day after day? The game moves only when there are new things to try and experiences to share. Hence as one friend observed… In SL, a promise of forever is two weeks.
Suggestions for Keeping a SL relationship
In talking with all the relationships that have lasted these are the things that seem to work, and some items just so happen to have great bearings also on RL relationships.
Communication: How you feel must be honest. The more things that you can find in common that u enjoy talking about the better the relationship. The more common goals that you can share and work toward the more complete things will feel and the relationship can grow.
Respect of RL’s trump cards: Knowing that RL will still take precedence and not putting guilt trips on the partner for having to comply with the realities of RL. This also has to include a talk and understanding of how and what would happen if the dissolution of the partnership becomes necessary.
Breaking the sameness rule: Doing the same thing over and over is just as boring in SL as it is in RL. No matter how much u enjoy each other’s company typing the same thing or doing the same thing can tax any relationship…especially since time moves so much faster in SL.
Don’t have your Sl relationship compensate for anything lacking in RL. It won’t work! It can add to your enjoyment of life, but can not and should not replace RL.
Once you cross the line of SL into RL well then, real life rules enter in. Volumes of material has been written to try an analysis what works and what doesn’t in real. I will not venture into that arena. So since it is so hard to develop true love in real and not that hard to do in SL, my advice would be to stay happily in SL and try not to make the cross over. The song that says: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico would definitely apply to SL.
Men seem to fall harder and faster in love in SL than do women. It totally astounds me how this environment by passes the many hard layers that would be up in real life but seem to be totally down in SL. Some explain this because sex is at last easier to obtain and the male will hold on to that because it has a real component for them being they are very visual animals. Women have little worries associated with that closeness, cause it is in reality..not close.
Here in SL the physical world is discounted. It is only our thoughts that show. Our true inner thoughts that we have rarely shared are at last shared under the anonymity of our avatar. Things that we would hesitate to mention in RL because they are politically incorrect or outside of our normal religious values now seem to be able to be expressed to our new SL love and accepted with a cherished understanding. That is a tremendous value to air our thoughts openly and look at these former hidden construes of our mind. How much more intimate is that? We can take great learning from SL relationships the understandings of ourselves and courage we gain here we can bring it into our real lives for its betterment.
Below is a conversation that concludes my thoughts:
[14:50] Tyler Greggan: I think that intense sl relations are too much for us
[14:50] Tyler Greggan: and that the early 21st century human being always tried to turn them into a rl thing they know how to cope with
[15:14] Tyler Greggan: that is true … and we don’t get or comprehend it in sl
[15:14] Pamala Clift: so he and I can love each others soul and mind.. and have great feelings for each other but it would not be in OUR REAL.. only in sl real..
[15:15] Tyler Greggan: indeed
[15:15] Tyler Greggan: so true
[15:15] Pamala Clift: can people learn to be happy with that?
[15:15] Tyler Greggan: for that reason one can argue sl is higher than rl
[15:15] Pamala Clift: ah.. that is a point worth mentioning.
Saturday at 8am at Pamalot we will have another philosophical brain storming discussion. This time it is on the rights of society to stipulate what goes on in the bedroom.
The presenter of this idea asked how much responsibility does an individual have over his biological desires and the responsibilities he/she has for following thru on those desires. When is it societies place to put restrictions?
There are many facets of my life which have led me to the place where I am today. Interesting what strikes passion in a person as the universe directs the winds of our lifes.
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